Let’s be honest: control feels good. Tidy. Efficient. Reassuring. If only people did exactly what you wanted, exactly when you wanted—things would run beautifully… right?
Except they don’t.
Because control gets compliance. Influence earns commitment. And that distinction—between making people do something and inspiring them to want to—is where real leadership lives.
The problem is, new leaders (and frankly, even experienced ones under pressure) often default to control. It feels productive. It gives you the illusion of certainty. If every decision goes through to you, what could go wrong? The answer: quite a lot. You burn out. Your team checks out. Momentum slows to a crawl.
And let’s be clear: control isn’t just about hovering. It can look like endless tracking systems, status updates, dashboards, approvals, and a hundred tiny check-ins disguised as “just following up.” You’re gathering information, but information isn’t insight. Control collects data. Influence builds understanding. If your team doesn’t know why something matters, you’re managing tasks—not developing people.
Influence looks different. It’s slower, sure. But it’s also smarter. Influence is teaching someone how to think through the problem instead of handing them the answer. It’s creating a culture where people understand why, not just what, so they can make good decisions even when you’re not in the room. Influence doesn’t mean stepping back entirely, it means stepping in with purpose.
The hardest shift for many leaders? Realizing that stepping back isn’t losing control—it’s building capacity. When your team starts to own outcomes instead of just following directions, that’s influence at work. It’s when someone anticipates the problem before you even see it, or when they take initiative not because you asked, but because they understand what matters.
Here’s one question every leader should ask themselves:
If I weren’t available, would my team still know what to do—and why?
That’s not about creating clones. That’s about building clarity.
Leadership through influence requires trust, consistency, and the willingness to let go of being the smartest person in the room. It’s harder. But it works.
So how do you make the shift from control to influence?
Start with this question: What do I need to know, and what can I let go?
Try a quick Influence Audit:
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Are you modeling the behavior you want from others?
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Do your team members understand not just the what—but the why?
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Are you creating an environment where people want to take ownership?
Real influence doesn’t fade when you leave the room—it multiplies.
“Leadership is not about being in charge. It’s about taking care of those in your charge.” — Simon Sinek
