Before you call it a performance problem, find out what it actually is.
Your best employee misses another deadline.
That’s three this month.
You’ve already written the email in your head. Maybe the documentation too. You know exactly how this meeting goes.
Hold that thought.
Because the conversation you’re about to have may be the wrong one.
One missed deadline. Four different conversations.
Maybe they need feedback. They’re stretching into something new and nobody has told them what good looks like.
Maybe it’s level setting. You need to make sure you’re on the same page. You changed the priorities two weeks ago and never actually said so out loud. They’re doing exactly what you asked. Last month.
Maybe it’s personal. A sick kid. A parent who needs care in another state. Their own health. Money that isn’t there at the end of the month.
Or maybe it really is performance. The pattern keeps repeating and the last two conversations didn’t change a thing.
Four conversations. Four different approaches. And most managers walk in with only one.
Here’s what that costs you.
Treat a personal crisis like a performance issue and you lose their trust. Treat a level setting issue like a performance issue and you punish someone for your own lack of clarity. Treat real performance like a personal issue and nothing changes.
Nobody leaves their life in the parking lot. And nobody can read your mind.
Three tools to have the right conversation.
1. Fill in the blank before you book the meeting.
“This is a ______ conversation.”
If you can’t fill it in, you’re not ready. You don’t have a problem yet. You have a guess.
Determine what you know and what you’re assuming.
There is no such thing as winging a tough conversation.
2. Bring an observation, not a verdict.
“I’ve noticed ______. That’s not like you. What’s going on?”
Specific opens the door: “You’ve missed three deadlines this month.”
Vague slams it shut: “Your attitude has been off.”
Then stop talking. Count to ten if you have to. The silence is where the real answer lives.
One question can turn a warning into a lifeline.
3. Two lists. One meeting.
When the answer is personal, managers panic. They either pretend they didn’t hear it or drop every expectation on the spot.
Neither helps.
Grab a piece of paper.
What does this person need? Time off. A flexible schedule. A leave conversation with HR. Sometimes just permission to say it out loud.
What does the work need? Coverage. New priorities. A realistic timeline.
Put both on the table, together.
Support the person. Address the work.
Compassion isn’t lowering the standard. It’s being honest about what’s possible right now and building a plan you can both live with.
Lower the intensity, not your standards.
So, back to that third missed deadline.
Before you open the documentation, ask yourself one question.
What the Hecht is really going on?
Ask it. Then listen.
The answer might surprise you.
And it might keep someone great.
I teach this in my session, Navigating Tough Conversations. If your leaders could use it, let’s talk.
